If you are facing a divorce that involves shared children, child custody is almost certainly on your mind. It’s important to head into this topic by reminding everyone out there that every divorce is unique to the people and circumstances involved, and what’s right for you may not work well for your sibling, neighbor, coworker, or anyone else for that matter.
This being said, however, there is a case to be made for sharing child custody equally or nearly equally – especially when the children are younger – in those cases, it’s a workable option. Experts in the field of child psychology nearly unanimously back this strategy, and putting some thought into the idea may help you find middle ground in your own child custody case.
If you have questions or concerns about child custody or are facing a child custody case, an experienced Round Rock child custody attorney is on your side and standing by to help.
Forcing Equally Shared Child Custody Is Not Advised
It’s important to note that, while sharing child custody evenly or nearly evenly is a great option in many situations, this isn’t always the case. If your ex is not interested in splitting parenting time evenly or isn’t capable of doing so, this approach shouldn’t be encouraged and shouldn’t be an option.
Further, if your ex’s goal in taking on more parenting time is paying less in child support, their motives don’t align with your children’s best interests, and going in this direction is unlikely to serve your children or anyone else well.
When You’re Both Genuinely Invested in More Parenting Time
While your goal may be to become the primary custodial parent, you shouldn’t count out sharing parenting time more evenly until you have considered the benefits.
Only you – with the guidance of your trusted child custody attorney – can determine what’s best for you and your children in your unique situation, but taking a closer look at the upside of sharing child custody equally may provide you with the peace of mind you’re looking for in relation to a more equitable division of parenting time.
One: Your Children’s Well-Being Is Better Supported
According to a study published by the National Library of Medicine, the time that parents spend with their children plays a critical role in the children’s well-being, which – in turn – is an important indicator in relation to their mental health. The study found that spending more time with each parent translates to increased well-being.
Prevailing wisdom finds that children who lose access to one parent or who have very limited access to one parent post-divorce are more likely to develop issues related to anxiety or to turn to behavioral crutches, such as drinking, smoking, bullying other children, or dropping out of school.
Two: Your Children May Perform Better
There are also a range of studies out there that suggest children who grow up spending time with both parents in joint custody arrangements tend to perform better in terms of all the following when compared to children who grow up in sole custody arrangements:
Their overall education
Their academic achievements
Their social skills
Their emotional health
Divorce hurts everyone involved, but children often take it the hardest, and they have the fewest resources when it comes to processing their pain, grief, and even anger. This often plays out in school and can lead to overarching consequences.
The more involved you and your children’s other parent are in their lives after your divorce, the better – and the better prepared you’ll both be to identify any problems that your children may be experiencing and to address them head-on.
Three: Your Children Are Less Likely to Have a Divided Sense of Loyalty
Regardless of how poorly your ex may have treated you during your divorce, it’s important to keep the following fact at the top of your thoughts – your children love their other parent and need them in their lives.
Living predominantly with one parent and seeing the other parent infrequently can cause children to experience a divided sense of loyalty. One parent is there with them, is taking care of them, and is a major force in their lives, but they may feel a pang of guilt regarding their other parent – whom they see only irregularly.
When a parent encourages a divided sense of loyalty by promoting the idea that the other parent doesn’t love them, isn’t safe to be around, or doesn’t want to spend time with them, they engage in parental alienation. This is not only incredibly confusing and painful for children to experience but is also considered a form of child abuse in the State of Texas.
Your children love both of you, and they shouldn’t have to worry about your feelings or about being disloyal to either of you. By sharing child custody more evenly, you honor your children’s feelings, which are the most important piece in this complicated puzzle.
Four: Your Children Are Well Loved
When your children divide their time between you and their other parent, it helps to establish a strong bond with both parents and demonstrates that unconditional love flows both ways – from each parent.
Having infrequent visits with one parent can lead to a warped sense of attachment with the second-tier parent. Often this translates to that Disney parent mentality in which the parent who has the children less often ends up arranging special activities in an attempt to make up for lost time, which simply can’t be done.
The mechanics of familial love are rooted in the day-to-day routines that make up our lives, and no amount of frenzied fun can replace them. When one parent is only allowed to spend a limited amount of time with the children, the children themselves pay a price, and it can play out in their sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Five: Your Children Learn to Trust
Yes, you went through a difficult divorce, and yes, it was hard on your children, but this isn’t the end of the matter.
By implementing child custody arrangements in which your children spend a significant amount of time with both you and their other parent, you demonstrate that trust is possible even after a difficult transition like divorce, which can help make your children more resilient in relation to life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Building strong relationships that can withstand everything life throws our way is an important part of growing up, and if you and your ex are able to model effective co-parenting for your children, you’re doing something right.
The bonds that children form with both their parents as they mature help set the stage for future relationships, which can play an important role in how satisfying their adult lives are.
Six: Your Children Are Likely to Adjust More Quickly
While divorce is a big change for the adults involved, the effects are magnified for children who played no role in causing the divorce – although they may not recognize this fact – and who have no control over how it affects their lives.
Going from living together as a family to suddenly living with one parent and seeing the other on what may feel very much like a sporadic schedule is very hard to adapt to, and this can rear its ugly head in your children’s actions, attitudes, and demeanor. When the transition is less stark, the adjustment process can be a lot easier on the kids.
Sharing your parenting time more evenly and ensuring that you both see your children very regularly can make a world of difference in how well your children acclimate to their new normal. It can also have fewer damaging effects in terms of their schooling, friendships, and self-awareness.
Seven: You and Your Ex Are Better Prepared to Give Parenting Your All
There is no denying that parenting is a hard gig, and trying to do it on your own means that something has to give. This can translate to neglecting your own well-being, not being there fully for your children, or some combination of the two.
When you and your ex both spend ample time with your shared children, you take a divide-and-conquer approach that allows you both to refuel and address what needs to be addressed in your own lives in between visits.
The struggle that single parents experience is very real, and sharing the effort and the immeasurable rewards can do everyone in the family a lot of good.
Eight: There Is Less of an Information Disconnect
One of the primary problems – from a practical perspective – when one parent has the children the vast majority of the time while the other has a far more limited visitation schedule, is that a lot of information can be lost in translation.
The more your ex knows about what’s going on in your children’s lives, the better supported your children will be, and the kind of information we’re talking about here includes all the following:
Your children’s health updates and any medical needs
Your children’s progress in school and any areas they may need help with
Your children’s schedules
Your children’s anxieties
Your children’s emotional needs
Your children’s evolving preferences and dislikes
This is not to mention simply staying up to date with all the adorable things your children say and do. Children grow up so fast, and there’s a lot to miss out on. The more time your children spend with each of you, the greater their sense of family, which is rewarding for everyone involved.
When Sharing Custody Evenly Isn’t Possible
If you and your ex live too far apart for your children to divide their time between the two of you – or if there is any other reason that interferes – it’s simply one of those things and is not a sign that you’re not the best co-parent you can be.
In these situations, there is plenty you can do to help your children stay connected to their other parent even though they may be separated physically, including:
Setting up a regular schedule for video chats, which can include saying goodnight to their other parent every night before bed
Decorating your children’s rooms with some of their favorite photos of and memorabilia related to their other parent
Not limiting the amount of time or the number of times that your children communicate with their other parent – other than when they should be sleeping
Encouraging your children to talk about their other parent and sharing happy memories of your own
Going the extra mile in terms of facilitating your children’s ability to visit with their other parent
Refraining from bad-mouthing your ex in your children’s presence – regardless of how bitter your divorce was or how tattered your relationship with them currently is
The State of Texas
The State of Texas begins with the presumption that children’s best interests are best served when they spend a significant amount of time with each parent, and each of the pros listed above stands testament to the state’s reasoning.
Those with specialized expertise find that children are better off when they have a strong bond with each parent and are able to strengthen that bond over time by spending a considerable amount of time with each. Striking this balance benefits children, parents, and society at large, which makes it an excellent option.
Make the Call to an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Attorney Today
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is a savvy Round Rock divorce attorney who has a wealth of experience helping his valued clients strike just the right balance with their child custody arrangements – in support of their children’s best interests and their own preferences, and he’s here for you, too.
Learn more about what we can do to help by contacting or calling us at 254-781-4222 and scheduling a free consultation today.