Divorce is challenging on a range of different levels, but if your divorce is high conflict, you can expect everything to be turned up several notches. While some divorces can be effectively steered out of high conflict territory, others cannot.
If yours is one of the following, you’ll be glad to know that there are important steps you can take to help limit the negative consequences while protecting your legal rights. One of the most important is consulting with an experienced Round Rock divorce attorney who has a wealth of experience guiding challenging cases like yours toward optimal outcomes early on.
Have Professional Legal Guidance on Your Side
While it’s never a good idea to handle a divorce on your own, a high conflict divorce is no time to go rogue. You need skilled legal representation from the start. The sooner you begin working with a trusted divorce attorney, the better prepared you’ll be to handle whatever your high conflict divorce brings your way, and you should never underestimate what that could be.
The factors that tend to make divorce highly conflicting in the first place can call for different kinds of professional expertise.
For example, if the high conflict part of your divorce is child custody, you may need an expert witness in the field of child development. If the high conflict in your divorce relates to high assets, you may need an expert witness in the field of property valuations and forensic accounting.
Your dedicated Round Rock divorce attorney will ensure that you have the professional representation you need to protect your rights – in pursuit of terms that work for you.
Set a Civil Tone
While you cannot control your divorcing spouse’s actions and behaviors, you can ensure that you proceed with decorum. Instead of reacting to every ugly or inappropriate comment your spouse sends your way, try to set a civil tone that sets the stage for meaningful negotiations.
You may inspire your spouse to adopt a similar attitude, but even if you don’t, you won’t have to look back on your own behavior with regret. You also demonstrate to the court that you’re the more level-headed spouse, which can ultimately work to your advantage.
Your efforts at this juncture can also help pave the way toward a less hostile post-divorce relationship. In addition to making things more comfortable for you, it can make things easier for your children, which is always worth the effort.
Limit Your Interactions with Your Soon-to-Be Ex to What Is Absolutely Necessary
If your spouse has made it very clear that they are not interested in anything but raging at you, you should consider negotiations between the two of you off the table and should limit your interactions with them to what is absolutely essential.
This generally means limiting conversations to those related to your children, and these you can handle through texts or another form of electronic messaging. There are also effective parenting apps that allow parents to keep a master schedule between them and to communicate directly through the app, which can help keep your interactions on the straight and narrow.
Remember that anything you commit to writing can resurface in your divorce case. Think carefully before you hit send. By striking a neutral tone and sticking to the issue at hand, you help to ensure that you won’t regret your message history.
Seek the Emotional Support You Need
If you’re making your way through a high-conflict divorce, you’re likely experiencing an overload of emotions that can be hard to process on your own.
Instead of waiting until your divorce is finalized and dealing with the psychological fallout at that time, think of your mental health as an asset that you need to be in tip-top shape in order to navigate the difficult path forward, and seek support upfront.
This advice extends to your children’s emotional health and well-being. A high conflict divorce is hard on everyone in the family, but your children are the most vulnerable to serious challenges. If you sense that any of your children are struggling, don’t wait to get them the help they need.
Signs that a child may be negatively affected by the divorce process can include all the following:
If their grades drop
If they get into trouble at school
If their personality changes
If their friendships are strained
If they engage in high-risk behaviors
If they suffer from increased anxiety or depressive episodes
If they turn inward
If they have trouble opening up to you
If they experience sleep disturbances
If they lose their appetite
A counselor whose focus is on helping children process grief and trauma can help your children immensely.
For your part, any of the following can help you get a better handle on your own feelings while your divorce is pending:
Discussing your emotions with a trusted friend or family member
Turning to a member of the clergy for counsel
Joining a support group for people facing high conflict divorce
Seeking therapy from a licensed professional is the way to go if your feelings are getting the better of you
Don’t Broadcast Your Private Business on Social Media
The role that social media plays in our lives is only growing stronger, but if you’re going through a high conflict divorce, now is not the time to be sharing all of your personal feelings and experiences.
The fact is that divorce is a very private matter, and discussing the details in a public forum like social media can not only come back to haunt your case but can also cause your children to suffer unnecessarily.
It’s an excellent idea to take a break from social media until your divorce is finalized. It’s also important to keep in mind that, when it comes to social media, there is no privacy, regardless of how rigorously you apply settings. A simple screenshot makes your post or message a permanent fact – that you may wish would disappear.
Reserve your comments for a trusted confidante, a counselor, or your attorney – while litigating your divorce the right way through skilled negotiations, at mediation, or in court.
Simplify the Terms of Your Divorce to the Degree Possible
If you allow each divorce term to weigh heavily on you, it will make resolving your case that much more challenging.
If your spouse is motivated to make the divorce process as difficult for you as they possibly can but is also interested in keeping your divorce out of court, there is a good chance that you’ll be able to resolve your divorce terms between yourselves – with the careful legal guidance of your respective divorce attorneys, which may include mediation.
If this is where your divorce stands, it’s important to consider each divorce term that needs resolving in its simplest form, which can lead to a more helpful perspective.
The Division of Your Marital Property
In Texas, all the assets that you and your spouse acquire over the course of your marriage – regardless of who made the purchase or whose name is attached – are considered community property.
This means that it all belongs to both of you equally and will need to be divided between you in a manner that is considered just and right – or fair – upon divorce. Often this means an equal division, but if there are mitigating circumstances, it may not.
The more documentation you have regarding your marital financials the better prepared you’ll be to fiercely advocate for a property division that supports your financial rights. Once you’re certain that you have a complete financial picture, it makes negotiating a fair division more straightforward.
Unless you are seeking a fault-based divorce or are turning to your spouse’s wrongdoing to skew the division in your favor, you’re likely entitled to half of the total amount, which can streamline negotiations.
Your Child Custody Arrangements
In Texas, child custody arrangements address both parental responsibilities and parenting time. Parental responsibilities refer to legal custody, which determines how you and your ex will make primary parenting decisions post-divorce, including those related to all the following:
Your children’s schooling
Your children’s medical care
Your children’s participation in extracurriculars
Your children’s religious upbringing
Unless there is a serious reason for restricting one parent’s participation, you and your ex are likely to share this responsibility. One of you may, however, have the authority to break a tie if doing so becomes necessary, or you may choose to divide these decisions between you according to topic.
Child Support
Child support is determined according to careful state guidelines, and the court generally won’t deviate from the prescribed amount unless an extraordinary circumstance like one of the following applies:
One of your children has special needs that go hand in hand with increased expenses.
You have a valid prenuptial or postnuptial agreement in place with child support terms that exceed the state’s requirements.
Your children are accustomed to certain privileges, such as private schools and costly extracurriculars, that the parent paying child support can afford to cover.
There is some other form of extraordinary expense involved.
Barring factors like these, you can expect your child support to follow the state’s guidelines.
Alimony
Alimony – or spousal maintenance – is reserved for highly specific circumstances, but if you’re entitled to these payments, you shouldn’t overlook them. Alimony applies when divorce leaves one spouse unable to afford their own reasonable needs in the context of the standard of living that was achieved during the marriage, and the other spouse has the financial ability to assist.
For example, if you put your own career on hold to support your spouse’s – by staying home to care for your children, which leaves you with less earning power – alimony may be in order.
Once you have a lay of the land regarding your divorce terms, it puts you in a better position to prioritize your efforts by determining what is most important to you and where you’re willing to compromise generously. This approach can afford you the leverage to accomplish your divorce priorities – instead of battling out every point and losing sight of the big picture along the way.
Know When It’s Time to Go to Court
If your divorcing spouse is only interested in making your high conflict divorce as hard on you as they possibly can, no amount of effort on your part is likely to change their perspective.
In other words, cutting your losses and heading directly to court is very likely the smoothest path forward. This is a critical decision that your savvy Round Rock divorce attorney will be well prepared to help you make.
The efforts you’ve put into navigating a high conflict divorce so far will serve you well in court – in all the following critical ways:
By setting a civil tone, you’ve prepared yourself to ably handle the stress of court.
By keeping your correspondence with your divorcing spouse strictly business and by staying off social media, you help to ensure that you won’t face any ugly surprises in court.
By consistently focusing on your children’s best interests, you are well prepared to show the court that you’re an excellent candidate for the role of primary custodial parent.
By working closely with a practiced divorce attorney, gathering the necessary documentation, and hiring skilled expert witnesses, you’re well positioned to bring your strongest case.
Make the Call to an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Attorney Today
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard is an accomplished Round Rock divorce attorney who cares about you and your case and will leave no stone unturned in his fierce advocacy of your rights. To learn more, please don’t wait to contact or call us at 254-781-4222 and schedule a free consultation today.