If you are going through a divorce, you almost certainly want to put it behind you as quickly as you can. The goal is generally to move on with your life, which may include pursuing a new romantic relationship. However, it’s important to carefully consider the implications of doing so prior to your divorce being finalized.
In the State of Texas, you are married until you are divorced – and living separately has no effect on this fact. Facing a divorce? It’s time to consult with an experienced Round Rock divorce lawyer.
The Decision to Date
You are an adult, and no one can tell you what you can and can’t do in terms of your romantic life – within the constraints of the law. Choosing to date before your divorce is finalized, however, can potentially impact certain divorce terms in your spouse’s favor, which is a risk you should carefully consider before you jump into a new relationship.
Divorce is also emotionally challenging, which means that you may not be in the right state of mind to afford a new romantic relationship the chance it deserves while your divorce is still processing.
If you’re considering dating while your divorce is pending, it’s a good idea to have a solid understanding of what doing so could mean for you. Working closely with an accomplished divorce attorney is a good place to start.
Is Your Divorce Fault-Based?
A primary concern when it comes to the effects that initiating a sexual relationship while you are going through the divorce process can have is whether or not your divorce is no-fault or fault-based.
Most Texas divorces are no-fault and uncontested, which means they are based on the couple’s irreconcilable differences and are settled out of court. The State of Texas also, however, grant divorces that are based on one spouse’s fault, and adultery is a prime example.
Proving Adultery in a Texas Divorce
To obtain a divorce that’s based on adultery in Texas, the spouse making the claim is called upon to prove that the other is involved in a sexual relationship with someone outside the marriage, which generally isn’t an easy feat.
If the accused spouse doesn’t admit to their adulterous affair, the spouse making the claim will need to compile evidence that speaks to the matter, which can include the following:
The testimony of eyewitnesses
Correspondence between the two
Photos of the two
Phone records
Credit card bills that reflect romantic dinners or evenings out, lavish gifts, and beyond
Receipts from hotels
Evidence that the two traveled out of town together
This list can go on and on, but it’s not enough for one spouse to simply accuse the other of having an affair – the claim must be backed up with evidence.
The Relationship Must be Sexual in Nature
For a relationship outside of marriage to cross the line into adultery in the State of Texas, it must be sexual, which highlights how challenging proving the matter can be.
Going to dinner with someone other than your spouse, opening up to someone who isn’t your spouse, and even having a so-called emotional affair with another person doesn’t meet the legal standard necessary to obtain a divorce that’s based on adultery in Texas.
Divorces Based on Fault Are Contested
It’s important to note that if your divorce is based on adultery – or any other form of fault – it is a contested divorce, which means that it will be resolved in court. As such, the judge presiding over your case will have the discretion to determine if the spouse claiming fault makes their case and the extent to which it will impact the divorce terms.
In other words, even if you are having a romantic relationship with someone other than your spouse while your divorce is pending, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will affect your divorce terms, but it could, which makes it a matter that deserves your attention.
The Divorce Terms Potentially Affected
If your spouse seeks a fault-based divorce due to adultery on your part, it can potentially affect several primary terms.
The Division of Your Marital Assets
In Texas, all the assets that you and your spouse acquire – whether together or separately – while you’re married are considered marital property, which must be split between you in a just and right manner if you divorce.
In no-fault divorces that aren’t contested, this generally means dividing the assets between the divorcing spouses equally or close to equally. In a divorce that is based on adultery, however, the judge can take the wrongdoing into consideration, and it can support a lopsided division that benefits the spouse who is claiming the other’s fault.
Alimony
In Texas, alimony is referred to as spousal maintenance, and it is only ordered when highly specific requirements are met. These include that the recipient is left without the resources to cover their own reasonable needs and that the payor has the financial means to assist.
If the divorce is based on adultery and the spouse claiming the other’s fault meets the careful requirements for alimony in the state, the fact of the payor’s wrongdoing can increase the amount of alimony they’ll be required to pay and its duration.
Further, a spouse who may have been entitled to alimony but was engaged in an adulterous affair could be denied this form of financial assistance or could receive less than they otherwise would have received.
Child Custody
Child custody determinations are always based on the children’s best interests, and the presumption is that spending a significant amount of time with both parents is good for kids across the board—other than when extenuating circumstances apply. Therefore, adultery may play no role in this divorce term, but there are instances when it could.
For example, if the spouse who is engaged in the affair has demonstrated a serious lapse in terms of making good decisions that directly affect the children, the court will take the matter into account. Further, if this spouse has coupled up with someone who is decidedly not fit to be around the children, the court could limit their parenting time.
Adultery Can Affect Certain Terms Even in a No-Fault Divorce
There are also situations in which having an affair can affect your divorce terms even when the case is no-fault. For example, if the offending spouse spent a considerable amount of marital funds in order to conduct their affair, it can affect how the marital assets are divided.
When one spouse artificially or purposefully depletes marital assets for their own benefit, Texas courts can reconstitute the marital estate – or add the lost amount back in – which can increase the other spouse’s share.
Child Custody
Additionally, the matter of child custody can be affected for the same reason that it can be in a divorce that’s based on adultery. If the offending spouse’s paramour is not deemed suitable to spend time with the children or if the parent having the affair showed a lack of parenting sense in the course of conducting their affair, it can affect their parenting time schedule.
The children’s stability is an important concern for Texas courts, and engaging in an adulterous relationship could be interpreted as not effectively supporting stability in your children’s lives.
Alimony
Finally, the court can consider an affair in relation to alimony—along with the other factors that guide these decisions. While alimony won’t hinge on the affair itself, the fact of adultery can impact how the term is resolved.
Your Divorce Can Change on a Dime
Even if you and your divorcing spouse are on the same page regarding every detail of your case, it’s important to keep in mind that the matter isn’t over until it’s over. For example, you may no longer be living together and may both be more than ready to get on with your post-divorce lives.
Further, you may both agree that dating at this juncture is acceptable. This is all well and good, but if you do begin a sexual relationship with someone else before your case is finalized, it is technically adultery, and your divorcing spouse may not be as accepting as they thought or said they would be.
The bottom line is that divorce is unpredictable, and focusing on successfully navigating the challenging course ahead is always the best practice. Divorces that begin very amicably can turn south in the time it takes to let your guard down, which makes it a good idea to mind your p’s and q’s until your case is behind you.
Never Underestimate the Effect that Dating Can Have on Your Divorcing Spouse
Regardless of what your divorcing spouse says and of any arrangements the two of you may have made regarding outside relationships while your case is pending, you shouldn’t underestimate the impact that your romantic life could have on them.
It’s one thing to say it’s not an issue, but it’s another to come face to face with an extramarital relationship – even when a divorce is pending. And keeping the matter to yourself may not make a difference. Your spouse could sense that change is afoot, which might incite even more drama than actual proof would.
The cost of dating while you’re divorcing – in other words – may be more than you bargained for.
Every Case Is Determined on the Unique Circumstances Involved
Generally, it’s an excellent idea not to date while your divorce is pending. Doing so puts you at risk of your divorce terms being negatively affected, of your divorce becoming more contentious – which translates to being more costly, more time-consuming, and more dramatic – and of your children having a more difficult time coping with the changes they experience.
This said, every situation is unique. If you are in a new relationship, there is no absolute rule that it will negatively affect your divorce terms or your children’s emotional well-being.
Ultimately, you’ll need to make the right decisions for you, and if you are seeing someone new, it’s important to proceed with caution. Your compassionate divorce attorney will spare no effort in their quest to protect your financial and parental rights while effectively and efficiently guiding your case forward toward a favorable resolution.
Speak with an Experienced Round Rock Divorce Lawyer Today
Brett Pritchard at The Law Office of Brett H. Pritchard takes great pride in the reputation he’s earned for fiercely defending his clients’ rights, including in the face of complicating circumstances, such as if you or your divorcing spouse is engaged in a new romantic relationship.
For more information about what we can do to help you, please don’t hesitate to contact or call us at 254-781-4222 to schedule your free consultation today.